As this is a blog about Faith, my Faith actually, I would be remiss if I didn't talk about those situations that may test my Faith and I am fairly confident that at times it would test even the most staunch Christian. We all have issues that we can point to that we just haven't had an answer for and we wonder why we have no answer for it. Inasmuch as I believe this is true, it is also true that as Christians we can either believe that the answer is there, and continue to look or believe that God has the answer and stop the often hurtful search.
In my first entry in this genre, I decided to talk about the beginning of my Faith, and outlining the circumstances that brought me to the Lord. This one will be slightly different methinks.
I come from a very close knit family, my Mother's side especially, in fact in many ways that side of the family always has seemed to do everything about the same time. My mom and her sisters (an sister in law) all had children relatively close together, and subsequently we all grew up together. Every family gathering had an exceptionally close in age group of kids running about, it really was great. We saw each other all of the time, sometimes staying at each others houses over summer vacation, as well as holidays, weddings, funerals, the whole gamut really.
As we grew up and moved away, we all stayed very close although we only saw each other on the occasional weekend at our Grandparents house or at the proverbial wedding or funeral but we stayed tightly knit. Throughout our lives we have experienced many heartaches with deaths of our Grandparents, two Uncles (one Dad), traffic accidents, near fatal experiences and other "stuff", but in late 2010 we experienced possibly the greatest blow we have ever experienced.
In a similar path trod originally by our parents, most of the cousins that grew up together, we (all of the kiddies they originally spawned) all had children just about at the same time. All of the children are intelligent, beautiful (inside and out) and they all have a gift for something, we truly are blessed as a family as a whole. Its wonderful to see our kids become as close as we were, our Grandparents would be so proud.
In the waning days of 2010 I received a telephone call from my Mom telling me that one of the new generation was sick, very sick. It seems that the daughter of my first cousin, a 13 year old athletic, walking brain has leukemia, and not only leukemia, a rare form of leukemia. She had been ill for a couple of weeks prior to the diagnosis with pneumonia and it just wasn't getting any better so they took her back to the doctor. As with any doctor, they wanted to run tests, there are always tests and when they told my cousin, she was told that she had to get this spitfire to Madison immediately, in fact by later that afternoon.
My wife and kids, my Mom and I traveled to Madison on New Years Day to see her, and be there for the family, and the first thing I remember seeing is this vivacious 13 year old girl in so much pain that she had been given a self-administering morphine pump, and the next thing I saw were her parents, and grandmother with no color in their faces but their faces did show the sheer terror of the situation. We stayed for a few hours and then made the trek back home but throughout the entire drive all I could do was remember their faces.
I began asking my friends throughout the "Wonderful World of Facebook" to begin praying for this little girl and her family and they did! Slowly but surely this little girl went from this very, very sick child into what could only be described a vivacious fireplug (I think I have already said that), she seemed to be back to normal. I did paraphrase a large point of the times between very sick to fireplug but there were many setbacks in between including a collapsed lung, blood clots around her heart, chemotherapy and the pneumonia but she seemed to be getting better.
The really nice thing about the Children's Hospital in Madison, WI is there approach to treatment, at one point, when she seemed stable and her blood tests improved, she was able to go home for a little time before going back for further treatment. When she went back, her doctors found that the leukemia cells that were in her spinal fluid we gone. Completely gone, it truly was a blessing from God. Her doctors did tell her that they were going to do another round of treatment and she would go home again, then come back for further treatment, and that's exactly what she did.
When she got back to Madison, they found leukemia cells in her spinal fluid, again, and she now had a free floating, triangular shaped blood clot in her lower left ventricle so she went back into treatment in an attempt to defeat this insidious disease. A similar treatment program ensued and she went back home again, then went back, and I began to ask for prayers again for her. We went to visit her a few weeks ago, and she was back to the fireplug stage, doing her homework every day, staying up until 3 - 4 in the morning, doing her treatments, but at this point her doctors were a little more guarded and as the treatments continued so did her spirits.
Just two weeks ago, I received another call from my Mom and she told me that they had found cancer cells in her brain but wanted to be sure and run more tests. Those tests were run, and it was proven that she did indeed have brain cancer as well, and that radiation would have to be used in an attempt to defeat that, and that the doctors were going to do bone marrow transplants in an attempt to kill the leukemia too. Unlike before, the doctors weren't as optimistic as they said that these were the only remaining treatment options.
I found myself asking for help through prayer again from my friends, my family was already in full gear and despite the possible prognosis we have all continued that process and we await any further news. Waiting stinks, it really does and when it involves someone so young, it stinks even worse.
The test in my Faith comes without any revelation of a prognosis, the uncertainty of the life of this little girl (she seems little for a 13 year old young woman) and the excruciating pain felt by her Grandmother, her Mother and Dad, step-Dad and step-Mom and her Uncle, the list goes on and on. I have continued to ask the simplest yet the most complex question, "Why?".
I guess that is the million dollar question isn't it, Why, and the most simple and yet complex answer found its way into my ears, "it isn't my place to ask." That answer seems almost like a cop out, a quick and dirty answer to help me forget the situation but it isn't.
That answer is a testament to my Faith, a self-revealing statement because I know that God has the answer. God doesn't make mistakes and by me asking "Why" I am selfishly asking God to answer a question of His plan. I continue to pray for this little girl, knowing that God will heal this child, it might be in a way I don't like or understand, but He WILL heal her. Much like when my Mother-in-law was ill, I have prayed and prayed and the same calm has come over me, I can almost here the whisper in my ear "it will all be okay".
God is there for us, each of us, He is here for my family, for my cousin, for that spitfire, for me and for you, we just have to listen for the whisper in our ear every now and then.
Thank you Lord for being there with me each and every day!
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